Having a tendency to catch feelings for people who are unavailable or in a relationship can be influenced by a combination of psychological and emotional factors. While it's essential to remember that everyone's experiences and reasons may be different, here are some common factors that could contribute to this pattern:
Unconscious Patterns or Repetition Compulsion: Sometimes, people are drawn to situations that mirror unresolved issues from their past or early relationships. This could be an unconscious attempt to reenact or resolve those past experiences, even if it leads to similar outcomes.
Fear of Intimacy: Being attracted to unavailable or attached individuals might be a way of protecting oneself from the vulnerability and potential hurt that can come with genuine emotional intimacy. Being with someone who cannot fully commit may serve as a way to avoid a deeper emotional connection.
Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may believe they don't deserve someone fully available and committed. Therefore, they may unconsciously choose partners who cannot fully be present as a way to validate their negative self-perception.
Thrill and Challenge: Some people are drawn to the excitement of pursuing someone who is difficult to attain. The challenge of "winning" over an unavailable person can create a temporary high or rush.
Idealization and Fantasy: When someone is unavailable, it may be easier to idealize them and create a fantasy about the relationship. This can provide a temporary escape from the realities of everyday life and relationships.
Avoidance of Commitment: By focusing on people who are unavailable, you might be avoiding the potential pressures and responsibilities that come with a committed relationship. This can be especially true if you have fears about commitment or intimacy.
Emotional Unavailability: Sometimes, people who are emotionally unavailable themselves may inadvertently seek out partners who reflect their own emotional state.
It's important to note that these reasons aren't exhaustive, and individual experiences can be much more complex. If you find yourself continuously caught in this pattern and it's causing distress or unhappiness, it might be beneficial to explore these feelings with a therapist or counselor. They can help you understand your emotions and patterns better, work through unresolved issues, and develop healthier relationship dynamics in the future. Building self-awareness and emotional resilience is crucial for forming meaningful and satisfying connections with others.