I'm sorry to hear that you've had such experiences with therapists. Blaming someone for being a victim of abuse is not an appropriate or helpful response, and it goes against the fundamental principles of therapy, which should be supportive, empathetic, and non-judgmental. Therapists are there to help individuals work through their challenges and traumas, not to blame or shame them.
If you have encountered therapists who have made you feel blamed or invalidated, it is essential to recognize that not all therapists are the same, and finding the right fit can be crucial to the success of therapy. Therapists should be compassionate, understanding, and work collaboratively with their clients to identify the root causes of their struggles and develop coping strategies to address them.
As for learning how to stand up for yourself and set boundaries, these are essential skills that can be worked on in therapy. Therapists can employ various therapeutic approaches, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), assertiveness training, and somatic therapy, among others, to help clients build self-esteem, self-confidence, and assertiveness.
If you feel that your current therapist is not helping you in the way you need, it might be worth considering finding a new therapist who specializes in the areas you want to work on and with whom you feel more comfortable and supported.
Remember that your therapist's role is to support you and empower you to develop the skills and tools needed to heal and grow. If you encounter unhelpful dynamics with a therapist, it's crucial to communicate your concerns openly with them or seek assistance from another mental health professional. Your well-being and growth are essential, and therapy should be a safe and nurturing space for you to achieve that.