Question

Why does my stepmom act like the victim when she does something wrong? We are in therapy but she can't handle how the therapist said she is heartless and wants to play the victim but the therapist won't let her.

Answer 1

It's challenging to fully understand someone's behavior without knowing all the details and dynamics of the relationship. However, I can offer some possible explanations for why your stepmom might be acting like a victim when she does something wrong.

1. Defense Mechanism: Playing the victim can be a defense mechanism that some people use to protect themselves from feelings of guilt, shame, or responsibility for their actions. By portraying themselves as the victim, they may try to avoid facing the consequences of their behavior.

2. Lack of Self-Awareness: Some individuals struggle with self-awareness and find it difficult to acknowledge their flaws or mistakes. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they may deflect blame onto others and see themselves as innocent victims.

3. Avoiding Accountability: Accepting responsibility for one's actions can be difficult and uncomfortable. By playing the victim, your stepmom might be trying to avoid accountability and the need to change her behavior.

4. Seeking Sympathy and Validation: When someone plays the victim, they might be seeking sympathy and validation from others. By gaining sympathy, they might feel less judged or criticized for their actions.

5. Childhood Experiences: Past experiences and upbringing can significantly impact how individuals cope with difficulties and conflicts. If your stepmom has a history of feeling victimized or invalidated, she may be more likely to adopt this role in current situations.

6. Emotional Manipulation: Playing the victim can also be a form of emotional manipulation to gain control over others or to deflect attention away from their wrongdoings.

In therapy, the therapist's role is to provide a neutral and objective perspective on the issues at hand. If your stepmom is finding it challenging to accept feedback or face her behavior, it might be indicative of deeper emotional issues that need to be explored in therapy.

It's important for both you and your stepmom to work through these dynamics in therapy. The therapist's job is to create a safe space for open communication and to help each of you understand and work through your emotions and behaviors. With time and effort, therapy can lead to positive changes and improved communication within your family dynamic.