Understanding the concept of a "narcissist's true self" requires delving into narcissism as a personality trait and its development. Narcissism is a personality characteristic that falls on a spectrum, ranging from healthy self-confidence to narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is a more severe and pervasive pattern of behavior.
The "true self" refers to an individual's authentic, genuine, and core identity—the person they are without any façades, defense mechanisms, or distortions. It represents their deepest feelings, values, and beliefs, free from the need for validation or admiration from others.
In individuals with narcissistic tendencies or NPD, there is often a complex interplay between their true self and their false self:
False self: Narcissists often develop a false self as a defense mechanism in response to early life experiences, such as trauma, neglect, or emotional abuse. The false self is a constructed persona that the individual presents to the world. It is carefully crafted to garner admiration, attention, and validation from others. This false self is often grandiose, entitled, and self-centered, seeking constant admiration and external validation.
True self: The true self, as mentioned earlier, is the authentic core identity of the individual. It exists beneath the surface of the false self, but it may be buried and obscured due to past traumas and a lack of healthy emotional development.
Why narcissists are afraid of their true self:
Vulnerability: The true self is vulnerable and emotional. To access it, the narcissist would have to face their own emotional pain, which they may have spent years avoiding or denying. This can be terrifying for them, as it goes against their defense of maintaining a façade of invulnerability and superiority.
Fear of abandonment: Narcissists often have deep-seated fears of rejection and abandonment. The false self is a way to protect against these fears by seeking constant validation and admiration from others. Confronting the true self may bring about a fear of being unlovable or unworthy of others' attention, exacerbating their insecurity.
Loss of control: The false self allows narcissists to maintain control over their image and manipulate others to meet their needs. The true self, with its inherent vulnerabilities and emotional needs, may feel uncontrollable and unpredictable, making the narcissist anxious and uncomfortable.
Cognitive dissonance: Embracing the true self might lead to cognitive dissonance—a conflict between their idealized self-image and their actual feelings of inadequacy or shame. This internal conflict can be distressing and difficult for the narcissist to reconcile.
It is important to note that not all individuals with narcissistic traits or NPD are consciously aware of their true self or the reasons for their behavior. The development of narcissism and its manifestations can be complex and multifaceted, often rooted in early life experiences and interpersonal dynamics.
Therapy can be beneficial for individuals with narcissistic traits as it provides a safe space to explore their true self, confront underlying emotions, and work toward healthier ways of relating to themselves and others. However, it's essential to remember that individuals with NPD may be resistant to therapy or not seek help due to the nature of the disorder.