Feeling both scared to get too close to your therapist and craving closeness is a common and normal experience in therapy. It's essential to understand that therapy is a unique and intimate relationship that can bring up complex emotions and vulnerabilities. Several factors could contribute to these conflicting feelings:
Vulnerability: In therapy, you may discuss sensitive and personal topics that you might not share with others. This vulnerability can make you feel exposed and uneasy about getting too close to your therapist.
Fear of judgment: You might fear that if you get too close, your therapist may judge you or perceive you differently, leading to feelings of shame or embarrassment.
Transference: Transference is a psychological phenomenon where you may unconsciously transfer feelings and emotions from past relationships onto your therapist. If you experienced challenges in previous close relationships, you might be hesitant to repeat those patterns in therapy.
Boundaries: Therapy is a professional relationship with clear boundaries. Feeling close to your therapist might blur those boundaries, leading to confusion and discomfort.
Trust issues: If you've experienced trust issues in the past, it can impact your ability to form a close and trusting relationship with your therapist.
Fear of dependence: Craving closeness might trigger fears of becoming dependent on your therapist or feeling like you can't manage without them.
Self-disclosure: Opening up in therapy requires self-disclosure, and it's natural to feel apprehensive about sharing your innermost thoughts and emotions.
Attachment needs: Humans have inherent attachment needs, and seeking closeness with your therapist may reflect a desire for a secure and supportive relationship.
It's essential to discuss these feelings with your therapist openly. They are familiar with the complexities of the therapeutic relationship and can help you navigate these emotions. Building trust and a strong therapeutic alliance takes time, and your therapist can work with you to create a safe space to explore and understand these feelings.
Remember, therapy is about your growth and well-being, and expressing your feelings, even if they are conflicting, can be an important part of the therapeutic process. It's entirely acceptable to experience these emotions in therapy, and your therapist is there to support you through it.