The realization that a narcissist was once a victim of narcissistic abuse themselves and that there is a cycle of abuse can vary greatly from person to person. It depends on several factors, including the individual's level of insight, emotional resilience, access to information or therapy, and the extent of the abuse they have experienced.
For some victims of narcissistic abuse, they may come to this understanding relatively quickly, especially if they have access to information about narcissistic personality traits and the dynamics of abusive relationships. Recognizing that narcissists often develop their behavior as a coping mechanism from their own experiences of abuse can lead to empathy and a deeper understanding of the root causes of the narcissist's behavior.
However, for others, this realization may take much longer or may not occur at all. Victims of narcissistic abuse often endure a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard, which can create a state of confusion and emotional dependency. In such cases, the victim might be so focused on the narcissist's manipulation and controlling behavior that they don't initially see the bigger picture of the cycle of abuse.
Moreover, victims of narcissistic abuse are often subjected to gaslighting, where the narcissist denies or distorts reality, making it even more challenging for the victim to recognize the underlying causes of the narcissist's behavior. The victim may be led to believe that the abuse is their fault or that they are somehow responsible for the narcissist's actions.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a complex and gradual process. Some individuals may seek therapy or support groups that address narcissistic abuse, which can expedite their understanding and healing. Others may require more time and distance from the abusive relationship before they can gain clarity about the dynamics involved.
It's important to remember that every individual's journey is unique, and there is no specific timeline for when someone will fully grasp the complexities of the cycle of abuse in their situation. If you or someone you know is dealing with the effects of narcissistic abuse, seeking professional help from a therapist experienced in trauma and abuse recovery can be beneficial in navigating the healing process.