The urge to be validated is a natural and deeply ingrained human trait that arises from various psychological and social factors. Seeking validation is closely tied to our fundamental need for social connection, acceptance, and belonging. Here are some key reasons why we feel the urge to be validated:
Social acceptance: As social beings, we have an inherent need to be accepted and valued by others. Being validated by others signals that we are appreciated, respected, and acknowledged within our social circles, which contributes to our sense of belonging and emotional well-being.
Self-esteem and self-worth: Validation from others can bolster our self-esteem and reinforce positive feelings about ourselves. When we receive positive feedback or recognition, it affirms our sense of self-worth and reinforces our positive self-image.
Confirmation of identity: Validation can serve as confirmation that our thoughts, beliefs, and actions are aligned with the norms and values of the groups we identify with. It reinforces our identity and helps us feel connected to our communities and the broader society.
Reducing uncertainty and anxiety: Seeking validation can help reduce uncertainty and anxiety about our decisions or actions. When others validate our choices, it provides reassurance that we are on the right track and helps to quell feelings of doubt.
Social comparison: Humans often engage in social comparison to evaluate their abilities, opinions, and achievements. When others validate us positively, it can create a sense of relative superiority or competence compared to others, boosting our self-confidence.
Emotional regulation: Validation from others can have a soothing effect on our emotions. When we share our feelings and experiences with someone who validates and empathizes with us, it can help alleviate stress and emotional distress.
Reinforcement of behavior: When we seek validation for our accomplishments or efforts, we are more likely to repeat those behaviors in the future. Positive validation can act as a form of reinforcement, encouraging us to continue engaging in actions that garner praise or approval.
Evolutionary factors: Seeking validation may have evolutionary roots. In ancient times, being part of a social group was essential for survival, and validation from others may have signaled acceptance and increased chances of cooperation and support.
It's important to note that while seeking validation is a common and normal aspect of human behavior, an excessive or constant need for validation can be detrimental to one's well-being. Relying solely on external validation for self-esteem can lead to a fragile sense of self and vulnerability to the opinions of others. Building a healthy sense of self-esteem and self-worth also involves developing internal sources of validation, such as self-acceptance, self-compassion, and recognizing our own achievements and growth.