Setting high standards for oneself is not inherently wrong, but it can become problematic when these standards are unrealistic or unattainable. Many people strive for excellence and have ambitious goals, which can be motivating and lead to personal growth. However, when these standards are so extreme that they cause constant stress, anxiety, and depression, it becomes a concern.
Here are some potential reasons why you might be setting unreasonably high standards for yourself:
Perfectionism: Perfectionism is a common trait among individuals who set excessively high standards. They often have an all-or-nothing mindset and believe that anything less than perfect is a failure.
External pressures: Societal or family expectations may influence your perception of what you should achieve, leading to the setting of unrealistic goals.
Fear of judgment: The fear of being judged by others can drive you to set high standards to avoid criticism or disappointment from others.
Low self-esteem: You might feel that you are not good enough, which leads to constantly trying to prove yourself through unrealistic achievements.
Past experiences: Previous successes or achievements may have conditioned you to believe that only similar or better outcomes are acceptable.
Comparison with others: Constantly comparing yourself to others who appear to be doing better can contribute to setting unattainable standards.
The negative impact of setting unattainable standards can be significant, leading to feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and depression. Here are some strategies that might help:
Recognize your self-worth: Separate your self-worth from your accomplishments. Understand that you are valuable and deserving of love and respect, irrespective of your achievements.
Set realistic goals: Break down your larger goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate the progress you make, even if it's not perfect.
Challenge negative thoughts: When you notice negative self-talk or thoughts of failure, challenge them with more balanced and compassionate perspectives.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with the same understanding and care you would offer to a friend.
Seek support: Talk to a therapist or counselor about your feelings and struggles. They can help you understand the underlying causes and develop coping strategies.
Limit comparisons: Avoid constant comparison with others, as it can be detrimental to your self-esteem. Focus on your own progress and growth.
Learn from setbacks: Embrace mistakes and failures as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as signs of incompetence.
Remember, it's okay to have high aspirations, but it's also important to be kind to yourself and recognize that nobody is perfect. Seeking professional help can be instrumental in working through these challenges and finding healthier ways to set and pursue your goals.