Attraction and relationships are complex and can be influenced by a variety of psychological, emotional, and social factors. While I don't have personal knowledge of your specific circumstances, I can offer some common reasons why someone might find themselves attracted to individuals who don't reciprocate their feelings:
Unresolved Emotional Patterns: Sometimes, people are drawn to those who remind them of unresolved issues or past experiences, especially if they involve feelings of rejection or unrequited love. This can create a subconscious pattern of seeking validation or trying to "win over" someone who seems emotionally distant.
Fear of Intimacy: Being attracted to someone who doesn't want you might be a way to protect yourself from the vulnerability of a close relationship. It allows you to maintain a safe emotional distance and avoid the risk of getting hurt in a more committed connection.
Self-Esteem Issues: People with low self-esteem may unintentionally seek out partners who are unavailable as a way of validating their negative self-perception. The unavailability of the other person can reinforce their belief that they are unworthy of love.
Romanticizing the Unattainable: The idea of pursuing someone who seems unattainable can be appealing because it adds a sense of challenge and excitement to the pursuit. The fantasy of "winning them over" can be more attractive than the reality of a mutually loving relationship.
Fear of Rejection: Paradoxically, some people might be drawn to those who are unavailable because they believe they won't be rejected outright. By pursuing someone who isn't interested, they avoid the risk of facing rejection from someone they genuinely desire.
Attachment Style: Attachment styles, developed during early childhood, can influence how we relate to others in adult relationships. People with an anxious attachment style may be more prone to being attracted to avoidant partners who keep them at a distance, reinforcing their anxious behavior.
Unconscious Repetition of Past Dynamics: Some individuals may unconsciously repeat patterns from past relationships, such as having a distant or emotionally unavailable parent, by seeking similar dynamics in their romantic partners.
It's important to remember that these are just possible explanations, and every individual's situation is unique. If you find yourself consistently attracted to men who don't want you and it's causing distress or affecting your well-being, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you explore these patterns more deeply and work toward developing healthier relationship dynamics.