The feeling that your mental illness is getting worse even when it's getting better can be attributed to several factors related to the nature of mental health and the process of recovery. Some possible reasons for this perception include:
Increased self-awareness: As you start to address your mental health issues and engage in therapy or treatment, you may become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This heightened awareness can make it feel like things are getting worse, but it is actually a sign of progress as you are gaining insight into your mental health.
Unearthing suppressed emotions: During therapy or treatment, you might start addressing past traumas or difficult experiences that were previously buried or ignored. This process can be emotionally challenging, and you may temporarily experience increased distress before experiencing relief and healing.
Reliving past experiences: When working through trauma or challenging memories, it's common to have flashbacks or vivid recollections of past experiences. This can create the sensation of the mental illness worsening, but it's part of the healing process as you confront and process those memories.
Change is unsettling: Making positive changes in your life, such as confronting unhealthy coping mechanisms or making adjustments to your daily routines, can be uncomfortable at first. Adjusting to these changes might initially feel like your mental health is worsening, but it could lead to significant improvements in the long run.
Non-linear progress: Mental health recovery is not always a linear process. You might experience ups and downs along the way, and there may be times when it feels like you are regressing. However, setbacks are common and do not negate the overall progress you've made.
Changing perspective: As you grow and heal, your perspective on life and your mental health may shift. What once seemed manageable or tolerable may no longer be acceptable, leading to the feeling that things are getting worse. In reality, this change in perspective is a positive sign of personal growth.
Fear of losing identity: For some individuals, their mental illness becomes a part of their identity. As they begin to recover, they might fear losing that identity or not knowing who they are without it. This can lead to feelings of uncertainty and may make it seem like things are getting worse.
It's essential to communicate openly with your mental health professional about these feelings and concerns. They can help you gain perspective, reassess your progress, and make any necessary adjustments to your treatment plan. Remember that healing from mental illness is a gradual process, and it's okay to experience ups and downs along the way. Celebrate your progress and seek support when needed.