I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced such trauma and abuse. Abuse, regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or the victim, is never acceptable, and it is essential to acknowledge and address all forms of abuse.
Feminism is a diverse movement with a wide range of perspectives, and it's crucial not to make generalizations about the beliefs of all feminists based on the actions of one individual. Feminism, at its core, advocates for gender equality and the dismantling of patriarchal systems that perpetuate gender-based discrimination and violence.
It is essential to remember that feminism does not condone any form of abuse or violence, regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or the victim. Feminists, like all individuals, should stand against abuse and violence in all its manifestations and strive for a society where everyone can live free from harm and oppression.
If you are experiencing the effects of trauma and PTSD as a result of your abusive past, I strongly encourage you to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and can provide you with the support and guidance you need to heal. Healing from trauma is a process, and reaching out for help is a crucial step towards recovery. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and compassion, regardless of your gender.