Attempting to "one-up" someone in traumatic experiences is generally not productive or healthy. This behavior is sometimes referred to as trauma competition or trauma Olympics.
There are several reasons why this behavior isn't beneficial:
Lack of Empathy: When a person shares a traumatic experience, they're often looking for understanding, comfort, or simply a listening ear. If the response is an attempt to overshadow their trauma with another person's "worse" experience, it can come off as dismissive and lacking empathy.
Invalidating Experience: Trauma is not something that can be quantified objectively. It's a highly personal and subjective experience. What might be deeply traumatic to one person may not be to another, and vice versa. Therefore, attempting to compare traumas can lead to invalidation of someone's personal experiences and feelings.
Hindrance to Healing: By focusing on whose trauma is worse, it shifts the conversation away from healing and understanding to a competition. This can delay or hinder the healing process for all parties involved.
Avoidance of Personal Issues: Sometimes people engage in this behavior as a way to avoid dealing with their own trauma. By focusing on someone else's experiences, they can avoid confronting and processing their own.
Instead of attempting to one-up someone else's traumatic experiences, it is healthier and more supportive to listen empathetically, validate their feelings, and offer support in ways that they find helpful. Remember that everyone's experience of trauma is unique, and what's most important is helping each other heal.