I'm sorry to hear that you went through an abusive relationship, and I commend you for having the strength to leave that situation. It's understandable that you may still have complex feelings for someone who was once a significant part of your life, even if the relationship was abusive.
Regarding the potential for change in an abusive person, it is essential to approach this topic with caution and realistic expectations. People can change, but significant change usually requires self-awareness, genuine remorse, and a commitment to personal growth. Here are some points to consider:
Time and Growth: Twenty years is a considerable amount of time, and it's possible that an abusive person may have grown, learned from their past actions, and taken steps to address their behavior.
Professional Help: Meaningful change often requires professional intervention, such as therapy or counseling. If an abusive person has undergone therapy and worked on their issues, there may be a chance for positive change.
Patterns of Behavior: Consider the person's overall behavior and track record since the abusive relationship. Have there been signs of genuine change and consistent respect for others?
Safety First: Regardless of any potential change, safety should always be a priority. If you are considering reconnecting with this person, proceed with caution and ensure your safety is protected.
Your Well-being: Reflect on your own emotional well-being and whether rekindling contact would be beneficial or harmful to your mental health. Sometimes, maintaining distance is the healthiest choice for personal growth and healing.
Boundaries: If you decide to reconnect or have any form of contact, it's crucial to establish clear boundaries and ensure your needs and emotional well-being are respected.
Seek Support: Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist to discuss your feelings and get perspective on the situation.
It's important to remember that abusive relationships are often very complex, and while change is possible, it is not guaranteed. Your safety and well-being should always come first. If you are struggling with unresolved feelings or the impact of the abusive relationship, consider speaking with a mental health professional who can provide guidance and support in your healing journey.