Dealing with a partner who has borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be challenging, especially during moments of anger or distress. It's important to approach these situations with empathy, patience, and a deep understanding of the disorder. Here are some helpful strategies for reacting in a supportive and constructive way:
Remain Calm and Non-Defensive: When your partner with BPD becomes angry or upset, try to remain calm and composed. Avoid getting defensive or escalating the situation further, as this may exacerbate their emotional state. Responding with understanding and compassion can be more helpful in de-escalating the situation.
Validate Their Feelings: People with BPD often experience intense emotions, and their feelings may seem overwhelming to them. Acknowledge their emotions and validate what they are going through. Let them know that their feelings are valid, even if you don't necessarily agree with their perspective.
Active Listening: Listen attentively to what your partner is saying and try to understand their perspective. Avoid interrupting or dismissing their feelings. Active listening shows that you are genuinely interested in their thoughts and emotions.
Set Boundaries: While it's important to be supportive, it's equally important to set and maintain healthy boundaries. If your partner's anger becomes verbally or physically abusive, it's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being. You can express your concern for their emotions while also asserting your need for a respectful and safe interaction.
Offer Reassurance: People with BPD may struggle with fears of abandonment and rejection. During moments of anger or distress, reassure your partner that you care about them and are there to support them. Let them know that you are committed to the relationship and working through challenges together.
Suggest Taking a Break: If the emotions are escalating, suggest taking a short break to cool off. A brief pause can help both of you regain composure before discussing the issue further.
Encourage Professional Help: Encourage your partner to seek professional help and therapy for their BPD. Individual therapy, specifically Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), has shown to be effective in helping individuals with BPD manage their emotions and improve interpersonal skills.
Practice Self-Care: Caring for someone with BPD can be emotionally demanding. Make sure to prioritize your self-care and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed.
Remember that having a partner with BPD can be challenging, and it's okay to seek guidance and support for yourself as well. Educate yourself about the disorder, communicate openly, and approach your partner with compassion and understanding to foster a healthier and more supportive relationship.