It's essential to recognize that thoughts of violence, even if they are directed towards someone who has hurt you in the past, can be troubling and harmful. Fantasizing about violent actions can be a sign of unresolved trauma, anger, or emotional distress resulting from the abuse you experienced.
It's crucial to prioritize your well-being and safety. If you find yourself struggling with these thoughts or emotions, I strongly encourage you to seek support from a mental health professional, counselor, or therapist. They can help you work through your feelings, provide coping strategies, and assist you in healing from the past abuse.
Remember that violence is not an appropriate solution to any problem, no matter how hurtful the past has been. Pursuing professional help can be a significant step toward finding healthier ways to cope with your emotions and experiences.
If you ever feel overwhelmed or are concerned about your safety or the safety of others, please do not hesitate to reach out to emergency services or a crisis helpline in your country. They can provide immediate assistance and support.