People who are married to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may experience a pattern of idealization and devaluation in their relationship with their partner. This pattern is often referred to as "splitting" and is a common characteristic of BPD.
In a relationship with someone who has BPD, individuals may be idealized during periods when the person with BPD is experiencing intense positive feelings towards them. During these times, the person with BPD may see their partner as perfect, ideal, and the source of all their happiness and fulfillment. However, this idealization is often unstable and can shift abruptly.
Conversely, during times of stress, perceived rejection, or perceived criticism, the person with BPD may experience intense negative feelings and devalue their partner. During these phases, the partner may be seen as all bad, uncaring, or responsible for the person's distress. The shift from idealization to devaluation can happen suddenly and without apparent reason.
It's important to understand that this idealization and devaluation cycle is a manifestation of the person with BPD's struggles with emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships. It is not a healthy or stable way of relating to others.
It's worth noting that not all individuals with BPD engage in this pattern to the same degree, and relationships can vary significantly depending on the specific dynamics and individuals involved. Treatment and therapy can be helpful for individuals with BPD to learn healthier ways of relating to others and managing their emotions, which can improve relationship dynamics.
If you or someone you know is in a relationship with a person with BPD, seeking support from a mental health professional who specializes in personality disorders can be beneficial in navigating the challenges of such a relationship and learning coping strategies.