When a narcissist is mad at you, they may engage in a tactic known as "throwing things back in your face." This behavior is often a manifestation of their core traits and coping mechanisms associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Several reasons can explain why a narcissist may resort to this tactic:
Defense Mechanism: Narcissists have fragile self-esteem and an inflated sense of their own importance. When they feel criticized, rejected, or challenged, their immediate response is to defend themselves. Throwing things back in your face is a defense mechanism they use to protect their grandiose self-image and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
Manipulation and Control: By bringing up past mistakes or perceived wrongdoings, narcissists attempt to control the narrative and gain the upper hand in an argument or conflict. They use these past incidents as leverage to deflect attention away from their current behavior and to make you doubt your own perspective.
Avoiding Accountability: Narcissists often struggle to accept accountability for their actions. Instead of acknowledging their mistakes or addressing the current issue, they redirect the focus onto your past behavior as a way to avoid taking responsibility and deflect blame.
Empowerment and Superiority: Throwing things back in your face may give the narcissist a sense of power and superiority. It allows them to position themselves as morally superior and put you on the defensive, reinforcing their belief in their own importance and righteousness.
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at manipulating emotions to achieve their goals. By bringing up past events, they can evoke negative emotions or guilt, making it harder for you to confront them or stand up for yourself in the current situation.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which a person distorts or denies your perception of reality, making you question your memory, perception, or sanity. By bringing up past events in a different light, narcissists gaslight you and make you doubt your recollection of events.
Lack of Empathy: As mentioned earlier, individuals with NPD often lack empathy. Throwing things back in your face disregards how this behavior affects you emotionally, as the narcissist is primarily focused on preserving their self-image and gaining control of the situation.
It is essential to recognize these patterns of behavior when dealing with a narcissist and to set healthy boundaries for yourself. Since it can be challenging to change a narcissist's behavior directly, it's often more effective to focus on protecting yourself and seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate these challenging relationships.