The phenomenon of being nicer to strangers than to people close to us can be attributed to various psychological and social factors. Here are some reasons why this might occur:
Emotional Investment: With close relationships, we tend to have a more profound emotional investment. As a result, we may be more comfortable expressing our emotions, including negative ones like frustration, annoyance, or anger. With strangers, we often have no emotional history, so there is less baggage to influence our behavior.
Familiarity Breeds Contempt: In long-term relationships, familiarity can lead to a phenomenon known as "complacency." We may take the presence and support of our loved ones for granted and feel more at liberty to display negative emotions without fear of immediate consequences.
Fear of Vulnerability: Expressing vulnerability can be challenging, even with those we trust the most. We may fear judgment, rejection, or being perceived as weak. As a result, we may be more guarded and less emotionally open with close friends or family.
High Expectations: We often hold higher expectations for those closest to us. Consequently, when they do not meet our expectations, we may react more strongly compared to interactions with strangers, whom we do not expect to have the same level of consideration or understanding.
Social Norms: There are societal norms and expectations for behavior towards strangers. We are generally encouraged to be polite, kind, and respectful to people we don't know, even if we don't necessarily feel like it. On the other hand, we may feel that with close relationships, we have more leeway to express our emotions openly.
Self-Presentation: With strangers, we might be more concerned about how we are perceived and may want to present ourselves in a positive light. This can lead to behaving in a more courteous and pleasant manner, even if we don't feel particularly positive at the moment.
Emotional Regulation: When interacting with strangers, we may exercise more emotional regulation to avoid conflict or maintain a positive impression. In contrast, close relationships can be a safe space to express a broader range of emotions.
Assumed Expectations: With close relationships, we might assume that the other person knows us well and will understand or forgive our occasional emotional outbursts. However, with strangers, we may feel the need to be on our best behavior to make a good impression.
It's important to remember that these reasons are general tendencies, and individual differences can significantly influence how we interact with both strangers and those close to us. Maintaining healthy and positive relationships requires open communication, empathy, and mutual respect, regardless of whether we are dealing with strangers or loved ones. Being aware of these factors can help us navigate our interactions and cultivate more positive connections with others.