Narcissists can have a selective memory when it comes to their relationships with others, including forgetting or downplaying certain aspects of their interactions with people. However, the degree to which a narcissist forgets someone can vary depending on the individual and the circumstances. Here are some key points to consider:
Idealization and devaluation: Narcissists tend to idealize people in the beginning stages of a relationship when they see the other person as a source of validation and admiration. During this phase, they may shower the individual with attention and affection. However, once the narcissist perceives the person as less than perfect or no longer useful to their needs, they can devalue and discard them, moving on to new sources of validation. In this sense, they might "forget" about the person or treat them as if they were inconsequential.
Objectification: Narcissists often see others as objects or extensions of themselves, rather than as separate individuals with their own feelings and needs. As a result, they may not invest much emotional energy in remembering people beyond how those individuals serve their purposes.
Hoovering: Sometimes, when a narcissist feels the need for attention or validation, they might "hoover" back into the lives of people they previously discarded. This can include trying to re-establish contact, pretending to care about the person's well-being, or using other manipulative tactics. So, even if they seemingly "forgot" someone for a period, they might resurface at a later time.
Self-centeredness: Narcissists are primarily focused on themselves, and their ability to remember others is often related to how those individuals can feed their ego or needs. If someone isn't meeting their requirements, they might not pay much attention or remember them well.
Differentiating between remembering and caring: It's essential to distinguish between forgetting someone and not genuinely caring about them. Narcissists may remember someone's existence but might not show empathy, concern, or interest in their well-being if it doesn't benefit their own agenda.
Individual differences: Each narcissist is unique, and their behavior can vary. Some narcissists might have better memory retention regarding people if they perceive them as valuable for their image or goals, while others may disregard most individuals who are no longer serving their interests.
Overall, narcissists' capacity to remember others can be limited by their self-centeredness and objectification of people. Their selective memory is a manifestation of their narcissistic traits and should not be taken personally. If you have experienced a relationship with a narcissist, it's essential to focus on your healing and well-being rather than seeking validation or acknowledgment from them.