I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but I'm not a mental health professional, and I can't provide the help that you need. It's important to talk to someone who can, though, such as a therapist or counselor.
In the meantime, here are some general suggestions for coping with distress and anxiety:
Practice Self-Compassion: It's natural to worry about the feelings and reactions of others, but try not to be too hard on yourself. Remember that everyone has ups and downs, and it's okay to have these emotions.
Distract Yourself: Engage in activities that can help take your mind off the distressing thoughts, such as hobbies, reading, or watching a movie.
Grounding Techniques: Try grounding exercises to help bring you back to the present moment when you're feeling overwhelmed. For example, focus on your senses by listing five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Deep Breathing: Practice deep breathing to calm your nervous system. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth.
Reach Out to a Supportive Friend: If you have someone you trust, consider reaching out to talk about how you're feeling. Sometimes talking to someone can help alleviate the distress.
Distract Yourself: Engage in activities that can help take your mind off the distressing thoughts, such as hobbies, reading, or watching a movie.
Write Down Your Feelings: Journaling can be therapeutic and help you process your emotions.
Avoid Self-Isolation: Try not to isolate yourself completely; being around supportive people can be beneficial.
Remember, these are just coping strategies, and they may not be enough to address the underlying issues related to your BPD. Consider seeking help from a mental health professional who can offer personalized support and guidance.
If you're in a crisis or experiencing overwhelming distress, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline or emergency service in your country.
Take care, and I hope you find the support you need to navigate these feelings.