Yes, the behavior you described is often associated with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and it can be influenced by the person's fear of rejection or abandonment. Individuals with BPD commonly struggle with intense and fluctuating emotions, as well as difficulties in maintaining stable and secure relationships. This can lead to confusing and contradictory statements and behaviors, such as expressing love and then seemingly dismissing or devaluing the person shortly after.
Here are some key factors that may contribute to this pattern:
Fear of Abandonment: People with BPD often have an overwhelming fear of abandonment, stemming from early life experiences or past traumas. To protect themselves from potential rejection, they might engage in behaviors that push people away or create distance. By expressing that they don't care about someone, they may attempt to shield themselves from the pain of potential rejection.
Emotional Dysregulation: BPD is characterized by difficulties in regulating emotions. This means that individuals with BPD may experience intense emotions that can change rapidly. One moment they may feel intense love and connection, and the next moment they might feel overwhelmed and emotionally distant. These emotional swings can lead to contradictory statements about their feelings for others.
Idealization and Devaluation: A common defense mechanism in BPD is splitting, where individuals see others as either all good (idealization) or all bad (devaluation). During idealization, they may express love and admiration for someone, but during devaluation, they might devalue and detach from the same person. This can create instability in relationships.
Self-Protective Strategies: Due to past experiences of emotional pain or rejection, individuals with BPD may develop self-protective strategies to avoid getting hurt. By distancing themselves emotionally or claiming not to care, they may be attempting to protect themselves from potential emotional harm.
Lack of Sense of Self: People with BPD may struggle with a lack of a stable and cohesive sense of self, leading to difficulties in understanding their own feelings and desires. This can result in confusion and inconsistency in their expressions of love and attachment.
It's important to note that these patterns are not consciously manipulative; rather, they are coping mechanisms developed in response to emotional pain and instability. People with BPD often experience significant distress because of their difficulties in relationships and may be genuinely struggling to understand and communicate their feelings.
Supporting someone with BPD requires empathy, patience, and understanding. Encouraging them to seek professional help, such as therapy (such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy - DBT), can be beneficial in learning healthier coping strategies, emotional regulation, and improving interpersonal skills. Additionally, setting and maintaining clear boundaries in the relationship can also be helpful for both parties.