It's important to recognize that Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition, and individuals with BPD can display a wide range of behaviors and emotions. People with BPD may indeed believe themselves to be empathetic and caring, and they may genuinely feel that way in certain moments. However, the intensity and rapid shifts in emotions can cause significant interpersonal challenges.
There are several reasons why individuals with BPD might act in the ways you described:
Emotional dysregulation: People with BPD often struggle with intense and rapidly changing emotions. They may have difficulty managing these emotions effectively, leading to impulsive actions and shifts in their feelings towards others, including friends.
Fear of abandonment: Individuals with BPD commonly experience an intense fear of abandonment and rejection. This fear can lead them to push others away, even those they care about, as a way to protect themselves from potential emotional pain.
Idealization and devaluation: This is a common pattern in BPD where individuals may initially idealize someone, seeing them as perfect or putting them on a pedestal. However, as the relationship progresses or conflicts arise, they may quickly switch to devaluing that person, seeing them as flawed or even despising them. This pattern can contribute to sudden changes in their attitudes and behavior towards others.
Splitting: Splitting is a defense mechanism where people with BPD may see things or people as all good or all bad, with no middle ground. This cognitive distortion can lead to extreme and inconsistent views of others, contributing to the rapid shifts in feelings and behaviors.
Projection: Sometimes, individuals with BPD may project their own insecurities, fears, or negative feelings onto others. This can result in them believing that others hate or fear them when, in reality, it may be a reflection of their own internal struggles.
It's important to note that not all individuals with BPD engage in such behaviors, and generalizing about their actions can be unfair. Each person's experience with BPD is unique, and they may have different coping mechanisms and interpersonal challenges.
If you find yourself in a situation where someone with BPD is exhibiting harmful or toxic behavior towards you, it's essential to prioritize your well-being. Setting boundaries, seeking support, and encouraging the person to seek professional help can be beneficial for both of you. Therapy and treatment tailored for BPD can help individuals learn healthier ways to manage their emotions and develop more stable and fulfilling relationships.