Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can experience rapid and intense shifts in mood, behavior, and interpersonal relationships. This can include going from being mean or aggressive to suddenly being nice or kind. Several factors can contribute to such shifts:
Emotional Dysregulation: People with BPD often struggle with emotional dysregulation, which means their emotions can become overwhelming and difficult to manage. When they are mean or aggressive, it may be a manifestation of intense emotions, such as anger or fear. Conversely, when they become nice, it may be a result of a shift in emotions, where they experience empathy or a desire for connection.
Fear of Abandonment: Fear of abandonment is a common feature of BPD. A person with BPD may become mean or aggressive as a way to push others away, fearing that they will be rejected or abandoned. On the other hand, they may become nice in an attempt to draw others closer, seeking reassurance and validation to alleviate their fear of abandonment.
Splitting: Splitting is a cognitive distortion that is prevalent in BPD. It involves seeing people and situations as either all good or all bad, with little room for shades of gray. When the person is in a "mean" state, they may see others as entirely negative and act out aggressively. But when they shift to a "nice" state, they may idealize others and act kindly or lovingly.
Need for Validation: Individuals with BPD often have a strong need for validation and acceptance. Being mean may be an expression of their frustration or distress when they perceive others as not understanding or validating their emotions or experiences. Being nice, on the other hand, may be an attempt to gain validation and approval from others.
Intense Sensitivity: People with BPD tend to be highly sensitive to perceived criticism or rejection. A seemingly minor trigger can lead to a significant change in behavior, with the person reacting defensively and aggressively. Conversely, if they perceive acceptance or understanding from others, they may respond with kindness and warmth.
It is essential to remember that individuals with BPD may have complex and diverse experiences, and their behaviors can vary widely based on various internal and external factors. Understanding and supporting individuals with BPD requires empathy, patience, and the ability to set healthy boundaries. Professional help, such as psychotherapy, can be beneficial for individuals with BPD in developing coping strategies and fostering healthier patterns of behavior and communication.