You are not alone in feeling this way. Many individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) experience difficulty in understanding themselves and struggle with a fluctuating sense of identity. This ambivalence about the diagnosis and uncertainty about who you are can be challenging and distressing, but it is a common aspect of BPD.
The symptoms of BPD, including unstable self-image, identity disturbance, and a shifting sense of self, can lead to feelings of confusion and uncertainty about one's identity and core beliefs. It can also affect how you perceive your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, making it hard to establish a consistent and stable sense of self.
It's important to remember that BPD is a mental health condition, and these feelings of confusion and identity disturbance are part of the disorder. Working with a mental health professional who specializes in BPD or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can be immensely beneficial in gaining a better understanding of yourself, your emotions, and your identity.
Therapy can help you learn coping skills, emotional regulation techniques, and ways to improve your self-awareness. It can also provide you with a safe space to explore and understand your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors without judgment.
Additionally, joining support groups or online communities for individuals with BPD can be helpful in finding validation and understanding from others who share similar experiences.
Remember, BPD is treatable, and with the right support and treatment, you can work towards developing a more stable sense of self and a better understanding of who you are. Be patient with yourself and take small steps towards self-discovery and growth. It's okay to have moments of uncertainty, but with time and support, you can find more clarity and stability.