Staying married to a partner with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) for many years and then suddenly leaving and never returning (except for court appearances) can be influenced by several factors:
Trauma Bonding: Narcissists can create a strong emotional bond with their partners, often known as trauma bonding. Victims may become emotionally dependent on the narcissistic partner, making it difficult to leave the relationship despite the toxicity. Over time, the accumulated negative effects of the narcissistic abuse may reach a breaking point, prompting the victim to finally leave.
Fear and Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at manipulation and gaslighting, making their partners doubt their own feelings and perceptions. They may instill fear in their partners, threatening retaliation or consequences if they attempt to leave. It takes time for the victim to gain the strength and clarity to break free from the narcissist's control.
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Narcissists often target individuals with low self-esteem and self-worth. Such individuals may believe they don't deserve better treatment or may feel incapable of finding a healthier relationship. It might take years for them to realize their true value and decide to leave the abusive relationship.
Hope for Change: Many partners of narcissists stay in the relationship because they hope that the narcissistic person will change or that the relationship will improve. Unfortunately, narcissistic personality disorder is notoriously difficult to treat, and true change is rare.
External Factors: Various external factors can keep someone in an unhealthy marriage, such as financial dependence, fear of losing custody of children, social stigma, or lack of support from friends and family. When these barriers are finally overcome, the individual may be more likely to leave.
Critical Incident or Accumulation of Incidents: The decision to leave might be triggered by a significant event or a culmination of incidents that finally make the person realize the gravity of the situation and the urgent need to escape the toxic relationship.
Support and Professional Help: Access to support systems, such as friends, family, or therapy, can play a crucial role in helping the individual gather the strength and resources needed to leave the abusive relationship.
It's important to understand that leaving a partner with NPD is often an incredibly challenging process that may require significant time and emotional healing. Once someone leaves a toxic relationship, they may choose to minimize contact with the narcissistic partner, including only appearing for necessary court proceedings, as a means of protecting themselves from further harm.