It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions after going through such experiences. The fact that you were discarded twice by someone with narcissistic tendencies can be quite traumatic and emotionally draining. It's important to remember that your feelings are valid, and it's okay to experience a range of emotions as you process what happened.
Here are some possible reasons why you might be feeling bad despite the time that has passed:
Emotional scars take time to heal: Experiencing repeated discards and emotional manipulation can leave deep emotional scars. Healing from such experiences takes time and patience. It's not uncommon to have moments of vulnerability and sadness even after an extended period of no contact.
Grieving the loss: Even though the relationship may have been toxic, there might still be a part of you that mourns the loss of what you thought the relationship could have been. It's natural to have mixed feelings and to question why things turned out the way they did.
Self-blame and shame: It's not uncommon for individuals who have been in relationships with narcissists to internalize blame and feel ashamed for their reactions during and after the relationship. This self-blame can exacerbate negative feelings and make it harder to move forward.
Triggers and reminders: Certain triggers or reminders in your environment can bring back memories and emotions associated with the past relationship. These triggers can catch you off guard and evoke strong reactions.
Fear of vulnerability: Being hurt in a relationship can lead to a fear of being vulnerable with someone new. You might be afraid of giving someone else that much control over your life again, and this fear can create a sense of unease or sadness.
Healing is not linear: Healing from emotional trauma is not a linear process. There will be ups and downs, and it's normal to have setbacks and moments of struggle.
Here are some steps you can take to help yourself through this process:
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize that it's okay to have these feelings. Allow yourself to grieve and heal at your own pace.
Seek support: Consider talking to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings and experiences. Sometimes, sharing your emotions with others can help you process them better.
Set boundaries: Remind yourself of the reasons why you went no contact in the first place. Establishing and maintaining boundaries is crucial for protecting yourself from toxic relationships.
Focus on personal growth: Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Invest in self-improvement and personal growth to build your self-esteem and confidence.
Challenge negative thoughts: When negative thoughts arise, try to challenge them and replace them with more positive and empowering ones.
Let go of guilt: Recognize that you were pushed to your limits, and your reaction was a natural response to the circumstances. Let go of any guilt or shame you might feel about losing your temper.
Remember, healing is a process, and it's okay to take the time you need to recover. Don't hesitate to seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed or find