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Dealing with the anger of a narcissist ex can be challenging and emotionally draining. Here are some steps you can consider taking when their anger comes in waves:

  1. Establish boundaries: Set clear boundaries with your ex and communicate them firmly. Narcissists may try to manipulate or control you, so it's essential to be assertive in maintaining your personal space and emotional well-being.

  2. Limit contact: Minimize unnecessary contact with your ex. Reduce communication to the essential matters, especially if you have children together or need to address practical issues. Less contact can help reduce their opportunities to provoke or upset you.

  3. Stay calm and composed: When you do have to interact with your ex, remain calm and composed. Narcissists may try to push your buttons to get a reaction from you. If you don't engage emotionally, they may lose interest in their attempts to upset you.

  4. Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist to share your feelings and experiences. Having a supportive network can help you navigate the emotional challenges of dealing with a narcissist ex.

  5. Focus on self-care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Practicing self-care can help you build resilience and cope better with stressful situations.

  6. Document incidents: If your ex's anger escalates to harassment, threats, or other harmful behaviors, document these incidents. Keep a record of dates, times, and details of what happened. This documentation may be useful if you need to involve authorities or legal professionals.

  7. Consider professional help: If the situation becomes overwhelming or unsafe, consult with a lawyer or law enforcement, especially if there are any threats or abusive behaviors. They can guide you on appropriate legal actions to protect yourself.

  8. Avoid falling into their traps: Narcissists can be master manipulators, using guilt, blame, or gaslighting to make you doubt yourself or feel responsible for their anger. Recognize these tactics and remind yourself that you are not responsible for their emotions or actions.

  9. Focus on your personal growth: Use this challenging time as an opportunity for personal growth and healing. Engage in activities that help you rebuild your self-esteem and confidence.

  10. Consider going no-contact: In some cases, going no-contact may be the best option for your mental well-being. If the relationship is toxic and your ex's anger continues to impact your life negatively, cutting off all contact can be a healthy choice.

Remember, dealing with a narcissistic ex can be emotionally taxing, but taking steps to protect yourself and prioritizing your well-being is essential. Focus on your personal growth, surround yourself with supportive people, and seek professional help if needed.

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