It's important to remember that self-harm, including cutting, is a complex issue and can have multiple underlying causes. However, some possible explanations for feeling this way could include:
Coping Mechanism: Self-harm can sometimes function as a coping mechanism for emotional pain, stress, or overwhelming feelings. The act of self-harm might provide temporary relief or a sense of control over intense emotions.
Internal Struggles: Feeling conflicted about seeking attention while also disliking attention on yourself may reflect internal struggles and confusion about your emotions and needs.
Communicating Unmet Needs: Self-harm might be a way to communicate distress or emotional pain indirectly when you find it challenging to express your feelings openly.
Shame and Guilt: There may be feelings of shame or guilt associated with self-harming behaviors, which can lead to panic when the behavior is noticed or suspected by others.
Fear of Judgment: The fear of being judged or misunderstood by others could trigger panic when someone mentions self-harm.
Desire for Support: Despite disliking attention, a part of you may also be seeking support and understanding from others.
It's crucial to remember that self-harm is not a healthy or sustainable way to cope with emotions, and it is essential to seek help and support from a mental health professional. Speaking with a therapist can help you understand your feelings and behaviors better and develop healthier coping strategies.
If you are struggling with self-harm or any other emotional difficulties, I encourage you to reach out to a mental health professional, a counselor, or a helpline in your country. They can provide the guidance and support you need to work through your emotions and find healthier ways to cope with your feelings. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and you don't have to go through this alone.