It's challenging to assess the entire situation without knowing all the details, but I can provide some general insights that might be helpful.
Timing and approach: The way you approach discussing your wife's wrongdoing can significantly impact her response. Make sure to choose the right time and place to address the issue calmly and respectfully, without sounding accusatory or judgmental.
Use "I" statements: Instead of using phrases like "you always" or "you never," focus on expressing your feelings and observations using "I" statements. For example, say, "I feel hurt when this happens" or "I noticed that this situation occurred."
Active listening: When discussing concerns, ensure that you listen actively to her perspective as well. Sometimes, just knowing that someone is genuinely listening can make a person more open to understanding their wrongdoing.
Avoid heated moments: Try not to bring up sensitive topics when emotions are already running high or during arguments. Wait for a calmer moment to discuss things more effectively.
Empathy and understanding: Be compassionate and understanding towards her feelings and reactions. There might be underlying reasons for her defensiveness or anger that you are not aware of.
Seek professional help: If the issue persists and communication remains difficult, consider seeking help from a couples therapist. A professional can provide unbiased guidance and help both of you develop healthier communication patterns.
Remember, it's essential to foster open and honest communication in a relationship, but it should be done with care and understanding. Be patient, and if necessary, seek professional assistance to address any deeper issues.