It sounds like you are experiencing a complex combination of emotions and physiological responses during panic situations. Panic attacks can manifest differently from person to person, but generally, they involve a sudden and intense feeling of fear or anxiety accompanied by physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweating, and shortness of breath.
The apparent contradiction between feeling panicked and staying calm may be due to the body's natural stress response. When faced with a perceived threat or danger, your body triggers the "fight-or-flight" response, which prepares you to deal with the situation at hand. This response involves the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which can lead to the physical symptoms you mentioned.
The "fight-or-flight" response is an automatic survival mechanism, and in some cases, it can temporarily override other cognitive functions. This may explain why you find it challenging to comprehend what is happening during a panic attack, despite maintaining some level of outward calmness and functionality.
Different people also have varying ways of coping with anxiety and stress. Some individuals may have learned to suppress their emotions or reactions outwardly, which can make it appear as if they are staying calm while experiencing intense panic internally.
It's essential to address these experiences and seek support if you find that panic attacks are affecting your well-being or daily life. Consider speaking with a mental health professional who can help you better understand the underlying causes of your panic attacks and provide coping strategies to manage them effectively. Techniques such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be valuable tools for managing anxiety and panic attacks. Remember, seeking professional help is a sign of strength and self-care, and it can lead to significant improvements in your overall mental health and well-being.