It is essential to recognize that everyone's family dynamics are unique, and relationships with parents can be complex and challenging. If you don't consider your dad as your father due to negative experiences, it's crucial to acknowledge and validate your feelings. Your feelings are valid, and you have the right to define and interpret your relationships in a way that feels authentic and healthy for you.
Experiencing panic attacks and other negative behaviors from a family member can be extremely distressing and emotionally draining. It's not uncommon for individuals to have strained or difficult relationships with their parents, and sometimes, setting boundaries or limiting contact may be necessary for your well-being.
If you find that your relationship with your dad is causing significant emotional distress and affecting your mental health, it might be beneficial to seek support from a mental health professional. They can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and navigate the complexities of your family dynamics.
Remember that you are not obligated to maintain a relationship with someone who is causing you harm or distress. Prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being is crucial, and seeking professional guidance can be a positive step towards finding healing and understanding in challenging family situations.