Feeling like you are becoming what your OCD is telling you is a common experience for many individuals with OCD. This phenomenon is often referred to as "emotional fusion" or "cognitive fusion." In other words, it's when your thoughts and emotions become fused, making it challenging to distinguish between your true self and the intrusive thoughts generated by OCD.
There are a few reasons why this happens:
Obsessions are distressing: OCD obsessions can be incredibly distressing and anxiety-inducing. The more distress you experience, the more likely it is for these thoughts to feel like a real part of you, simply because they carry such emotional weight.
Overthinking and rumination: People with OCD tend to overanalyze their thoughts and engage in excessive rumination. This excessive thinking can blur the lines between your true self and the intrusive thoughts, leading you to believe that you are somehow becoming what the OCD is telling you.
Attention and importance: When you constantly pay attention to your intrusive thoughts due to the fear and anxiety they bring, your mind gives them more significance. Consequently, they may feel more real and impactful, making you feel like they are shaping your identity.
Egodystonic nature of OCD: OCD thoughts are often ego-dystonic, meaning they are inconsistent with your core values and beliefs. When you experience these thoughts, they feel so alien and repulsive that it's natural to feel like they are not "you." However, the distress caused by this dissonance can be overwhelming and confusing.
Confirmation bias: When you constantly worry about being a certain way or having certain traits due to OCD, your mind might inadvertently pick up on any subtle evidence that seems to support these fears, further reinforcing the belief that they are true.
It is essential to recognize that OCD thoughts are just thoughts and do not define who you are as a person. The content of these thoughts is a product of your OCD and does not reflect your true character, values, or identity.
Seeking professional help from a mental health specialist experienced in treating OCD (particularly through cognitive-behavioral therapy, such as Exposure and Response Prevention) can be incredibly beneficial. They can help you develop coping strategies to manage these thoughts and emotions effectively, regain control over your life, and strengthen your sense of self. Remember that you are not alone, and OCD is treatable with the right support and treatment.