It's essential to remember that I can't provide personalized advice for your specific situation. If you are experiencing distressing thoughts and feelings and have acted on harmful urges, it's crucial to seek help from a mental health professional as soon as possible.
Here are some steps you can consider taking:
Reach out to a mental health professional: OCD and harmful intrusive thoughts can be very distressing, and it's crucial to talk to a mental health professional who specializes in treating OCD or related conditions. They can provide a proper assessment and develop an appropriate treatment plan for you.
Practice self-compassion: It's essential to understand that these intrusive thoughts do not define you as a person. You are not your thoughts, and experiencing them does not mean you will act on them. Be kind to yourself and avoid self-blame.
Create a safety plan: While seeking professional help, consider developing a safety plan to minimize any risks. This might involve avoiding situations that trigger distressing thoughts or seeking support from loved ones when needed.
Engage in grounding techniques: When experiencing distressing thoughts, grounding techniques can help you stay connected to the present moment. Techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or focusing on your senses can be helpful.
Avoid self-reassurance: In the context of OCD, seeking constant reassurance from yourself or others about not acting on intrusive thoughts can be counterproductive. It can reinforce the anxiety and the need for reassurance. Instead, try to acknowledge the thoughts and let them pass without engaging in compulsions.
Medication evaluation: In some cases, medication may be recommended as part of the treatment plan for OCD. A psychiatrist can evaluate whether medication might be helpful in your situation.
Remember, the best course of action is to seek help from a qualified mental health professional who can assess your specific situation and provide appropriate guidance and treatment. OCD is a treatable condition, and with the right support, you can learn coping strategies to manage intrusive thoughts and reduce distress. Don't hesitate to reach out for help; you don't have to face this alone.