If you find yourself having a strange obsession or experiencing thoughts of harming yourself, it's essential to seek help from a mental health professional. They can provide a proper evaluation and guidance tailored to your specific situation.
One possible explanation for such feelings is a psychological condition known as "self-harm intrusive thoughts" or "intrusive urges." These are unwanted and distressing thoughts or images that may pop into a person's mind and can feel compelling, even though they don't reflect the person's true desires or intentions.
Intrusive thoughts can occur in various forms and are usually associated with anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or other mental health conditions. They can be distressing, and experiencing pleasure or relief from the thoughts might be a way your brain tries to cope with the discomfort caused by the intrusions.
To better understand what you're going through and to receive appropriate support, it's crucial to consult with a mental health professional. They can help you explore the underlying causes of these thoughts, develop coping strategies, and provide guidance on managing or redirecting them in a healthier way.
Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and mental health professionals are trained to provide non-judgmental support and effective treatment. Please don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist, counselor, or psychologist for assistance.