There can be several reasons why some people get angry when someone else gets angry at them, even if they were the ones who provoked the other person's anger. Here are a few possible explanations:
Defensiveness: When someone confronts us with their anger, our natural instinct might be to become defensive. We may feel attacked or criticized, and in response, we put up emotional walls to protect ourselves. This defensiveness can manifest as anger, as a way to push back against the perceived threat.
Avoiding Responsibility: Accepting that we caused someone else's anger can be uncomfortable and may trigger feelings of guilt or shame. In an attempt to avoid taking responsibility for our actions, we may deflect the blame by becoming angry ourselves.
Lack of Self-awareness: Some individuals may have difficulty recognizing their own role in provoking the other person's anger. They may be unaware of their behavior or its impact on others, which can lead to a defensive reaction when confronted with someone else's anger.
Emotional Reactivity: People have different emotional thresholds, and some individuals are more emotionally reactive than others. When faced with another person's anger, their own emotions might quickly escalate, leading to an angry response.
Communication Skills: Poor communication skills can contribute to misunderstandings and conflicts. If someone lacks the ability to effectively communicate their intentions or emotions, it can lead to a negative cycle of escalating anger between both parties.
Insecurity or Low Self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem or insecurity may interpret another person's anger as a sign of rejection or inadequacy. In response, they may become defensive and angry as a way to protect their self-image.
Emotional Regulation Difficulties: Some people struggle with managing their emotions, including anger. When faced with someone else's anger, they may find it challenging to regulate their own emotional response, leading to further anger.
Past Experiences: Past negative experiences with anger or conflict may influence how someone responds to anger directed at them. If they have been hurt or traumatized in the past, they may have learned to react defensively or aggressively to protect themselves.
It's essential to recognize that these reactions are not necessarily healthy or constructive. Addressing anger with more anger often perpetuates a cycle of conflict and escalates the situation further. Instead, promoting open communication, empathy, and self-awareness can be more productive ways to navigate conflicts and manage anger effectively. Developing emotional intelligence and communication skills can help individuals better understand their emotions and responses and create healthier interactions with others. If someone consistently struggles with managing anger or conflicts, seeking the support of a therapist or counselor can be beneficial in addressing underlying issues and learning healthier coping strategies.