When a narcissist says positive things about their ex-partner, despite being a narcissist, it could be due to several reasons:
Manipulation and Hoovering: Narcissists often engage in manipulation tactics to maintain control over their ex-partners. By praising the ex-partner and portraying them as good and supportive, the narcissist may be attempting to hoover the ex back into the relationship or keep them emotionally connected for future use.
Maintaining a Positive Self-Image: Narcissists are highly concerned with their public image and how they are perceived by others. Praising their ex-partner may be a way for the narcissist to project an image of being fair, generous, and magnanimous, which can help them maintain a positive public image.
Idealization-Discard Cycle: Narcissists typically follow a cycle of idealization and devaluation in their relationships. During the idealization phase, they may excessively praise and idolize their partner, portraying them as perfect and supportive. However, when the relationship starts to devalue or when it ends, the narcissist may shift to negative behavior.
Lack of Accountability: Narcissists often struggle to take responsibility for their actions, especially when it comes to the failure of a relationship. By praising their ex-partner, the narcissist can deflect blame and make it seem like the failure was not due to their own behavior or issues.
Securing Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists thrive on admiration, attention, and validation from others (narcissistic supply). Praising their ex-partner may be an attempt to seek validation from friends, family, or mutual acquaintances who know both parties.
Playing the Victim: By speaking positively about their ex, the narcissist may be positioning themselves as the victim in the relationship, gaining sympathy and support from others.
Future Control: If the narcissist plans to keep the ex-partner as a potential backup option or a source of future supply, they may try to maintain a semblance of a positive relationship by speaking well of them.
It's essential to understand that narcissists' behavior is complex and multifaceted. They may switch between idealization and devaluation, be inconsistent in their statements, and use various tactics to manipulate others for their benefit. When dealing with a narcissistic individual, it's crucial to set boundaries and prioritize self-care, as they may continue to use any means to maintain control and seek narcissistic supply.