When narcissists realize they have lost someone forever, their behavior can vary depending on their individual personality traits, coping mechanisms, and the circumstances surrounding the loss. Here are some common reactions narcissists may exhibit when they know they can no longer control or manipulate the person they lost:
Rage and Anger: Narcissists may respond with intense anger and rage when they feel rejected or abandoned. They might lash out verbally or attempt to hurt the person emotionally through insults, threats, or smear campaigns to damage their reputation.
Hoovering: "Hoovering" is a term used to describe the narcissist's attempts to draw the person they lost back into the relationship. They might use manipulation, guilt-tripping, or promises of change to try to regain control over the person.
Triangulation: Narcissists may try to make the person they lost jealous or insecure by involving a new romantic partner or someone else in their life. This is done to provoke a reaction and regain a sense of power over the situation.
Playing the Victim: In some cases, narcissists may try to portray themselves as the victim of the situation. They may twist the narrative to make it seem like the person who left them is to blame for all the issues in the relationship.
Withdrawal: Alternatively, some narcissists may withdraw and give the appearance of moving on. They might engage in self-pity or self-isolation, while still seeking validation from others to boost their ego.
Idealization of the Past: When faced with the loss of someone they once controlled, narcissists may selectively remember the positive aspects of the relationship and exaggerate the good times in an attempt to minimize the reality of the situation.
Pursuing New Targets: Narcissists might quickly move on to a new target or supply to fill the void left by the person they lost. This new target may become the focus of their attention and manipulation.
Self-Destructive Behavior: In extreme cases, some narcissists may engage in self-destructive behavior as a way to cope with the loss and maintain a sense of control over their life.
It's essential for the person who has experienced narcissistic abuse to prioritize their own well-being and safety when dealing with a narcissist's reactions. Maintaining strong boundaries and seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals can be crucial during this time.
It's worth noting that not all individuals with narcissistic tendencies will display these behaviors, and some may be more self-aware and capable of introspection and personal growth. However, in cases of abusive narcissism, it is common to observe some of the behaviors mentioned above.