Covert narcissism is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) characterized by a more subtle and less outwardly grandiose expression of narcissistic traits. While classic or overt narcissists tend to display their arrogance, self-importance, and need for admiration openly, covert narcissists are more introverted and may appear shy or even empathetic on the surface.
Here are some key characteristics and traits commonly associated with covert narcissists:
Insecurity and Fragile Self-Esteem: Covert narcissists often have deep-seated feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. They may seek validation and affirmation from others covertly, using subtle tactics to gain attention and admiration.
Victim Mentality: Covert narcissists often adopt a victim mentality, portraying themselves as misunderstood, mistreated, or overlooked. They may use this as a manipulation tactic to garner sympathy and attention from others.
Empathy as a Tool: Unlike classic narcissists who may lack empathy altogether, covert narcissists can appear empathetic. However, their empathy is usually more instrumental; they use it to manipulate and gain the trust of others, rather than genuinely understanding or caring for their feelings.
Manipulation and Control: Covert narcissists can be skilled manipulators, using subtle and indirect tactics to control and dominate others. They may engage in emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and passive-aggressive behaviors.
Sense of Entitlement: Like other narcissists, covert narcissists have a strong sense of entitlement and believe they deserve special treatment or recognition, even if they don't express it openly.
Intense Envy: Covert narcissists can be highly envious of others' success, popularity, or possessions. They may struggle with feelings of jealousy and resentment towards those they perceive as more accomplished or admired.
Isolation and Social Withdrawal: Covert narcissists may isolate themselves socially or have difficulty forming close relationships. They might prefer to keep their true selves hidden and may only reveal their manipulative tendencies to a select few.
Low Self-Confidence: Despite their narcissistic tendencies, covert narcissists often struggle with low self-confidence and may fear rejection or criticism.
It's important to note that diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder should be done by a qualified mental health professional, as these traits can also be present in other personality disorders or mental health conditions. Additionally, not all individuals displaying narcissistic traits have NPD.
Dealing with a covert narcissist in a personal or professional relationship can be challenging and emotionally draining. If you suspect you are in such a situation, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can help you navigate the dynamics and develop coping strategies.