Narcissists often use various manipulation tactics to maintain control over their sources of narcissistic supply (which can include partners, family members, friends, or colleagues). One of these tactics is the use of humor or the phrase "I'm only joking" after saying something rude or hurtful. There are several reasons why a narcissist may employ this behavior:
Gaslighting: By using the phrase "I'm only joking," the narcissist attempts to make their hurtful remarks seem less serious or offensive than they actually are. They may try to convince the victim that they are overreacting or being too sensitive, thereby undermining the victim's perception of reality. This is a form of gaslighting, which is a manipulation technique used to make someone doubt their own feelings and experiences.
Maintaining Control: The narcissist wants to keep the power dynamic in their favor. Using humor or pretending to joke allows them to say hurtful things without facing immediate consequences, as it can be challenging for the victim to respond assertively when they are told it was just a joke.
Masking Intentions: By hiding behind the guise of humor, the narcissist can express their negative feelings or intentions while avoiding direct accountability. This tactic allows them to evade responsibility for their hurtful actions.
Testing Boundaries: Narcissists are known for pushing boundaries to see how much they can get away with. By using "joking" as a cover, they can test the victim's tolerance for abuse and gauge their willingness to accept such behavior.
Seeking Attention: Narcissists thrive on attention and emotional reactions from others. Making hurtful comments and then claiming it was a joke may be a way to elicit emotional responses and draw attention back to themselves.
Manipulating Emotions: By alternating between hurtful remarks and humor, the narcissist can create emotional confusion in the victim. This emotional rollercoaster can lead the victim to become more emotionally dependent on the narcissist.
It's important to recognize that the narcissist's behavior is not a genuine attempt at humor or light-heartedness. Instead, it is a calculated manipulation to maintain control and power over their victims. If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist or someone who uses these tactics, it's essential to set clear boundaries, seek support from others, and consider professional help if needed to cope with the emotional toll of dealing with such behavior.