Yes, you are absolutely right. While some narcissists can be skilled at manipulation and deceit, there are indeed cases where their behavior is blatantly obvious to many people around them, except the person who is directly involved with them. This phenomenon is not uncommon and has several potential explanations:
Charm and Charisma: Some narcissists possess an attractive and charismatic demeanor, which can initially draw people in and make them overlook negative behaviors. They may be adept at charming others, making it difficult for friends and family to see their true nature.
Love Bombing: In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists often "love bomb" their partners, showering them with affection, compliments, and attention. This overwhelming display of affection can make it challenging for the partner to recognize any red flags.
Isolation: Narcissists may attempt to isolate their partners from their support networks, making it harder for the person to receive feedback from friends and family about the narcissist's behavior.
Gaslighting: As mentioned earlier, gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used by narcissists to make their victims doubt their perceptions and reality. This can create confusion and doubt, preventing the person from recognizing the narcissist's true nature.
Idealization: Narcissists often idealize their partners during the early stages of a relationship, making it seem like they are perfect. This can lead the partner to ignore or downplay any negative behavior.
Enabling or Co-dependency: In some cases, friends or family members may enable the narcissist's behavior or be co-dependent themselves, which can contribute to downplaying or excusing the narcissist's actions.
Masking Behavior: Narcissists can sometimes hide their true nature in public or around certain individuals, making it difficult for others to see their negative traits.
Blind Spots: We all have blind spots when it comes to the people we are close to. Sometimes, it takes an outsider's perspective to recognize harmful patterns.
It is not uncommon for those involved with narcissists to be the last to realize the truth about the person they are dealing with. Emotional attachment, cognitive dissonance, and the hope for change or improvement in the relationship can all contribute to a delayed recognition of the narcissist's true nature.
If you have been involved with a narcissist, it's essential to seek support from friends, family, or mental health professionals who can help you understand the dynamics of the relationship and support your healing process. Remember, it's never too late to seek help and regain your sense of self-worth and well-being.