Yes, it is entirely normal to feel like a fool after being in a relationship with a narcissist. Narcissists are skilled manipulators and often employ tactics to exploit and control their partners emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes even financially. They can be charming and charismatic initially, making their partners feel special and loved. However, over time, the true nature of the narcissist becomes apparent, and the partner may realize they have been taken advantage of and deceived.
Feeling like a fool can result from several factors:
Deception and manipulation: Narcissists are adept at creating a false persona and using charm to draw people in. They often present themselves as caring and attentive, but once the relationship deepens, their true selfish and manipulative nature becomes evident. This stark contrast can leave the partner feeling deceived and foolish for not recognizing the signs earlier.
Emotional manipulation: Narcissists often use emotional manipulation to control and exploit their partners. They may gaslight their partners, causing them to doubt their own perceptions and experiences. This emotional manipulation can lead the partner to question their judgment and intelligence, feeling like they were foolish for falling into the narcissist's trap.
Idealization and devaluation cycle: In a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist may alternate between idealizing and devaluing their partner. During the idealization phase, the partner feels valued and cherished, but when the devaluation phase begins, the partner is subjected to criticism, blame, and emotional abuse. This rollercoaster of emotions can leave the partner feeling confused, hurt, and foolish for staying in the relationship.
Boundary violations: Narcissists often disregard boundaries and show a lack of empathy for their partner's feelings and needs. The partner may feel foolish for allowing their boundaries to be crossed repeatedly and for not standing up for themselves earlier.
Self-blame and guilt: Narcissists are skilled at shifting blame onto others, making their partners feel responsible for the relationship's problems. The partner may internalize this blame and feel foolish for not being able to make the relationship work or for believing the narcissist's false promises.
It's important to remember that feeling like a fool is a common reaction to being in a narcissistic relationship, and it does not reflect any personal failing on the part of the partner. Narcissists are experts at manipulation, and many people, regardless of their intelligence or self-awareness, can fall victim to their tactics.
If you or someone you know is recovering from a relationship with a narcissist, seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be helpful in processing the experience and rebuilding self-esteem and confidence.