In a relationship with a narcissist, the dynamics can be complex and confusing. Narcissists often have a strong need for attention, admiration, and validation from others. When they devalue someone, it means they have diminished the person's worth or importance in their eyes. This devaluation can manifest as belittling, criticizing, and emotionally distancing themselves from the individual.
However, even after devaluing someone, a narcissist may still seek their attention for several reasons:
Need for Control: Narcissists often have a strong desire to maintain control over others. Seeking attention from someone they devalued can be a way for them to assert dominance and keep the person emotionally invested.
Ego Boost: Narcissists thrive on admiration and attention. By eliciting a response or attention from someone they devalued, they might feel a sense of power and superiority.
Manipulation and Hoovering: Narcissists may engage in manipulation techniques, such as "hoovering," to pull their targets back into the relationship. They might seek attention to create confusion and vulnerability in their victims, making it easier to reestablish control.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often lack empathy and may not fully comprehend the emotional impact of their actions on others. They might reach out for attention without truly understanding or caring about the pain they caused.
Alternative Supply: If the narcissist is not receiving enough attention or admiration from other sources, they may turn back to someone they previously devalued as a means of obtaining the desired validation.
Validation of Self-Worth: Receiving attention from someone they devalued might temporarily validate their sense of self-importance and worth.
It's crucial to remember that interactions with a narcissist can be harmful and emotionally draining. If you've been devalued by a narcissist and are trying to move on, setting boundaries and seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be beneficial. Remember that your well-being is essential, and breaking free from toxic relationships is a step towards healing and personal growth.