I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging situation. If your husband exhibits narcissistic traits, it can create unhealthy dynamics within the family, particularly affecting relationships between family members. The secretive and close behavior between your husband and daughter, along with your exclusion from their conversations, may be a result of various factors:
Triangulation: Narcissists often use triangulation as a manipulation tactic, creating a dynamic where two family members form a close alliance, leaving the third person feeling excluded and isolated. In this case, your husband and daughter may have formed a bond that excludes you, leaving you feeling berated and marginalized.
Enabling behavior: Your daughter may have become enmeshed with your husband due to his narcissistic traits. Enabling behavior occurs when one family member supports or enables the dysfunctional behavior of another, even if it is harmful. In this case, your daughter may be siding with your husband, which results in her berating you.
Parentification: In some cases, narcissists may emotionally or psychologically burden their children with adult responsibilities. This can lead to a skewed power dynamic, where the child feels responsible for the narcissistic parent's emotions and needs, leading to a close, secretive relationship that excludes the other parent.
Emotional manipulation and control: Narcissists often seek control over others and may manipulate family members to maintain their dominance. By excluding you and berating you, they may be trying to assert control and power over you.
Lack of boundaries: Narcissists often struggle with recognizing and respecting boundaries, which can lead to enmeshed and secretive relationships within the family.
Shared traits: If your daughter has picked up some narcissistic traits from her father, she may be more inclined to side with him and display similar behaviors, resulting in exclusion and berating towards you.
It's crucial to prioritize your well-being and seek support in dealing with such difficult family dynamics. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can provide guidance, support, and tools to cope with the situation. Family therapy can also be beneficial in addressing and resolving the issues within the family unit.
Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and understanding. Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can help you navigate these challenges and work towards a healthier and happier family dynamic.