When a narcissist asks you about your new partner, it can have several possible motivations, depending on the context and the individual narcissist's personality. Here are some potential reasons why a narcissist might inquire about your new partner:
Seeking Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists crave attention and admiration from others, known as narcissistic supply. They might ask about your new partner to gather information about your life and potentially use that information to validate themselves or bolster their ego. If they perceive that your new partner is inferior in some way, they may feel a sense of superiority.
Comparison and Envy: Narcissists often compare themselves to others, seeking to feel superior. If they perceive your new partner as successful, attractive, or accomplished, they may become envious and want to diminish or devalue that person to maintain their sense of superiority.
Triangulation: Narcissists might ask about your new partner as a way to create a triangulation dynamic, where they try to cause tension or competition between you and your new partner. By doing so, they may attempt to regain control, attention, or emotional power over you.
Hoovering: In some cases, when a narcissist feels they have lost control over a previous target (you), they may attempt to hoover you back into their life. They might show interest in your new partner to gauge your reaction and assess whether there is a chance to rekindle the relationship or manipulate you emotionally.
Maligning or Discrediting: Narcissists may inquire about your new partner to gather information they can use against you or your partner later. They might try to paint your new partner in a negative light to discredit your choices or make you doubt your decisions.
Fueling Their Ego: Narcissists are often preoccupied with themselves and can find conversations about other people, including your new partner, as an opportunity to steer the discussion back to themselves, where they feel most comfortable.
Overall, it's essential to be cautious when dealing with a narcissist and discussing any personal aspects of your life with them. They might use the information to manipulate, control, or exploit you. If you have gone no contact with the narcissist or are considering it, it's generally best to maintain that boundary and avoid engaging in discussions about your personal life with them.