Experiencing feelings of grief and missing an ex, even if they were a narcissist, is not uncommon and can be a complex emotional process. Several reasons might contribute to these feelings:
Idealization and Good Memories: In some cases, people tend to remember the positive aspects of a relationship and idealize their ex-partner after their passing. The negative or harmful aspects of the relationship may fade from memory, leaving behind a sense of longing for the good times.
Unresolved Feelings: If the relationship ended without closure or unresolved issues, it's natural to feel a sense of loss and longing. The passing of your ex might bring up feelings of regret or a desire for closure that you never got a chance to address.
Attachment and Bonding: Despite the toxic nature of the relationship, there might have been a genuine emotional attachment and bonding between you and your ex-partner. The emotional connection you shared can lead to feelings of loss when they are no longer around.
Trauma Bonding: Narcissistic relationships can create a unique bond known as trauma bonding. This bond is a result of alternating cycles of love-bombing and abuse, which can create a powerful and confusing emotional connection. The passing of your ex can trigger the trauma bond and intensify your feelings of loss.
Sense of Familiarity: Even though the relationship was unhealthy, it was familiar to you, and humans often find comfort in familiarity. The absence of the person can create a void in your life, making you miss their presence, even if it was harmful.
Guilt or Pity: The passing of a narcissistic ex-partner might evoke feelings of guilt or pity. You may feel guilty about not being able to help or save them, or you might pity them for the struggles they faced, which can evoke feelings of sadness and loss.
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled emotional manipulators. They might have instilled a sense of dependency or codependency in you during the relationship, making it difficult to completely let go or move on after their passing.
It's essential to remember that grieving is a complex and individual process, and there's no right or wrong way to feel. If you find yourself struggling with these emotions, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate the grieving process and work through any unresolved feelings. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to experience and process your emotions in a healthy and supportive environment.