It is not entirely accurate to say that all narcissists cannot fall in love. While narcissists typically struggle with genuine empathy and have difficulties maintaining healthy, long-term relationships, they can still experience feelings that resemble love, at least in the initial stages of a relationship. However, their version of love often revolves around their own needs, desires, and self-gratification rather than genuine emotional connection and mutual care.
When it comes to covert narcissists, they tend to be more introverted and sensitive, and they may display behaviors that are more subtle and less overtly grandiose compared to the classic, overt narcissist. Covert narcissists can indeed fear intimacy and avoid getting too close to others due to various reasons, which might include:
Fear of Rejection: Covert narcissists, like any narcissist, have fragile self-esteem and can be deeply afraid of rejection. They might avoid intimacy to shield themselves from potential emotional pain and feelings of inadequacy that may arise if the relationship doesn't meet their idealized expectations.
Fear of Vulnerability: Intimacy requires vulnerability, and for narcissists, vulnerability can be particularly challenging as it involves letting down their emotional defenses. Covert narcissists may avoid such situations to protect themselves from feeling exposed or being emotionally hurt.
Need for Control: Narcissists, including covert ones, crave control and may avoid deep emotional connections because it requires sharing power and accepting that they cannot entirely control the other person's emotions or behavior.
Self-Sufficiency: Covert narcissists often rely on their sense of superiority or self-importance to cope with feelings of inadequacy. They might prefer to maintain an emotionally distant stance to preserve this sense of self-sufficiency.
Fear of Being "Found Out": Covert narcissists may be more aware of their own vulnerabilities and insecurities, which could lead to a fear of being "found out" by an intimate partner. They might fear that the partner will discover their true selves and reject them.
As a result of these fears and emotional barriers, covert narcissists may delay or avoid starting relationships altogether or might engage in superficial connections that don't demand deep emotional involvement. However, it's important to note that each person's behavior is influenced by a combination of factors, and not all covert narcissists will display the same patterns.
In any case, being in a relationship with a narcissist, whether covert or overt, can be challenging and emotionally draining. It's essential for individuals to recognize red flags, prioritize their own well-being, and consider seeking professional help or support if they find themselves in such relationships.