Begging the narcissist to get back together after they wanted to break up with you is a common reaction in relationships with narcissists, and it can be attributed to several factors:
Trauma Bonding: Narcissists often create a strong trauma bond with their partners. Trauma bonding is a psychological phenomenon where intense emotional experiences, such as periods of love-bombing followed by devaluation, create a powerful attachment to the abuser. This bond can make it extremely difficult for you to let go and can lead to begging and pleading for reconciliation.
Love-Bombing and Idealization: Narcissists tend to idealize their partners during the love-bombing phase of the relationship. They shower you with affection, attention, and validation, creating an intense emotional connection. When they devalue and discard you, you might cling to the memory of that idealized version of the narcissist and desperately want to get it back.
Fear of Abandonment: Narcissists often instill a fear of abandonment in their partners. They may use threats of leaving or actual breakups as a way to control and manipulate you. The fear of losing them and being alone can drive you to beg for another chance.
Gaslighting and Manipulation: Throughout the relationship, the narcissist may have manipulated your emotions and perceptions, making you doubt yourself and your worth. They might have gaslit you into believing that the problems in the relationship were entirely your fault, leading you to beg for forgiveness and a second chance.
Hope for Change: Many people who have been in relationships with narcissists hold onto the hope that the narcissist will change and return to the person they initially fell in love with during the idealization phase. This hope can be a driving force behind begging for reconciliation.
Addiction to the Highs and Lows: The rollercoaster of emotions in a relationship with a narcissist can become addictive. The intermittent reinforcement of affection and withdrawal can create a powerful emotional dependency, making it hard to let go and move on.
Low Self-Esteem: Narcissists often target individuals with low self-esteem, as they are more vulnerable to their manipulation. If you have low self-esteem, you might have believed that the narcissist was your only source of validation and worth, leading you to beg for them to stay.
It's important to recognize that begging for reconciliation with a narcissist is not a sign of weakness or failure on your part. The manipulative tactics employed by narcissists can create a complex and challenging dynamic that is difficult to break free from. Healing from a relationship with a narcissist often requires support, self-compassion, and the assistance of a qualified therapist or counselor who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery.