Yes, it is not uncommon for individuals to leave a relationship with a narcissist but later experience conflicting feelings and consider returning to them. There can be several reasons why someone might feel this way:
Idealization and Devaluation Cycle: Narcissists often use a cycle of idealization and devaluation to keep their partners emotionally attached. During the idealization phase, the narcissist may shower their partner with love, affection, and attention, creating a deep emotional bond. When the devaluation phase follows, the partner is subjected to manipulation, criticism, and emotional abuse, which can be deeply painful. However, when the narcissist returns to the idealization phase (sometimes referred to as "hoovering"), the partner may remember the good times and want to believe that things will be better.
Trauma Bonding: Prolonged exposure to narcissistic abuse can lead to trauma bonding, where the victim develops a strong emotional attachment to the abuser. This bond can make it difficult for the victim to leave the relationship permanently, as they may experience feelings of attachment, loyalty, and even sympathy towards the narcissist.
Hope for Change: Some individuals may leave a narcissistic partner with the hope that the separation will lead to personal growth and change in the narcissist's behavior. They may believe that time apart will give the narcissist a chance to reflect on their actions and potentially seek therapy or make positive changes.
Fear of Loneliness or Rejection: Leaving a narcissist can be an emotionally challenging experience, and some individuals might feel afraid of being alone or rejected by the narcissist if they try to leave for good. This fear of abandonment can lead to thoughts of returning to the narcissist, even if the relationship is harmful.
Manipulation and Guilt: Narcissists are skilled at manipulating their partners' emotions and often use guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation to regain control over them. They might make promises to change or blame the partner for the issues in the relationship, causing the partner to doubt their decision to leave.
Familiarity and Comfort: Even though the relationship with a narcissist can be toxic, it might still feel familiar and comfortable because the partner has been conditioned to this dynamic over time. Stepping out of one's comfort zone and facing the unknown after leaving a narcissist can be daunting.
It's crucial for individuals who have experienced relationships with narcissists to seek support, whether from friends, family, or mental health professionals, to navigate their emotions and make healthy decisions for their well-being. Recovery from narcissistic abuse can be a challenging process, but with support and self-compassion, healing and growth are possible.