When a narcissist says, "I don't know what you want me to say," it can have several possible meanings, all of which relate to their typical behavior and communication patterns:
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often struggle with empathy and understanding others' emotions and needs. They might genuinely be unaware of what you expect them to say because they have difficulty putting themselves in your shoes.
Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled manipulators. By saying they don't know what you want them to say, they may be trying to deflect responsibility or avoid giving a sincere response. This tactic can create confusion and keep the focus on you rather than addressing their own behavior.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist tries to make you doubt your perceptions, memory, or sanity. By claiming ignorance about what to say, they may be attempting to make you question your own expectations or communication.
Avoiding Accountability: Narcissists dislike taking responsibility for their actions and often avoid acknowledging their mistakes. Saying they don't know what you want them to say is a way to escape accountability and potential consequences for their behavior.
Seeking Control: Narcissists often seek control in their relationships. By appearing unsure of what you want to hear, they may be trying to keep you off balance and reliant on their approval or validation.
Overall, when a narcissist uses this phrase, it typically reflects their self-centered nature, difficulties with empathy, and manipulative tendencies. It's essential to be aware of these patterns in interactions with narcissists and establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself from potential emotional harm.