Yes, it is possible for a narcissist to have a secret lover and engage in a hidden relationship. Narcissists are known for their ability to manipulate and deceive others to fulfill their desires for attention, admiration, and validation. Here are some reasons why a narcissist might engage in a hidden relationship:
Desire for Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration from others, known as narcissistic supply. Having a secret lover allows them to obtain additional sources of validation without their primary partner knowing.
Sense of Power and Control: Maintaining a hidden relationship can give the narcissist a sense of power and control over both their primary partner and the secret lover. They may enjoy the thrill of having this secret and being in control of the narrative.
Avoiding Accountability: By keeping the relationship hidden, the narcissist can avoid facing consequences or being held accountable for their actions, particularly if they are already in a committed relationship with someone else.
Avoiding Emotional Intimacy: Narcissists often struggle with emotional intimacy and vulnerability. Engaging in a hidden relationship allows them to avoid forming deep emotional connections and maintain a sense of distance.
Seeking Novelty and Excitement: Narcissists may be driven by a constant need for novelty and excitement. The hidden relationship can provide a thrill and excitement that their primary relationship might lack.
Fear of Abandonment: While narcissists may seek out new sources of supply, they may also fear abandonment. Having a secret lover can serve as insurance against feeling abandoned if their primary relationship fails.
It's important to note that engaging in a hidden relationship can cause significant emotional pain and harm to both the secret lover and the primary partner of the narcissist. The secrecy and manipulation involved in such relationships can be emotionally damaging and erode trust.
If you suspect that you are involved in a hidden relationship with a narcissist or are the secret lover of a narcissist, it's essential to prioritize your well-being and seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional. Understanding narcissistic behavior and setting boundaries can be crucial steps in dealing with these complex and challenging situations.